Today I was given permission by my boss to go to my old job at the USDA in order to get a new badge. I am on extended leave without pay currently. I have two admin. that I love that I helped train before I started working at Hopkins. I didn't always have the answers but I tried to the best of my abilities. There was a lot of just giving them the names and numbers of people that I knew could help better than I could. I enjoyed spending time with them today.
But, it was weird seeing how much the office has changed...and hasn't changed at all. The political, catty, depressing nature was still there. The internal fighting and unnecessary backstabbing was seemingly present as well. That is one of the major reasons I don't miss the government. The stress they fell everyday coming to work was how I felt in my last few months there. I was ready to leave. I was ready to never work for the government again. While there are people there that I love and can honestly call lifelong friends, there were also people that seemed as if their sole purpose was to make work miserable.
There were times when I questioned whether I should have taken my current job, considering the pay is small in comparison to a government job I could've gotten with my degree. But my job is where I feel comfortable. I am surrounded by people that I enjoy their company and they enjoy mine. They respect my opinions and they are eager to offer help/mentorship. I feel like I am growing as a health professional at my job. I also know that it has helped give me the opportunity to do what I've always wanted and thats go to graduate school.
I now see that I made the right decision. I left a place where I potentially could have made more money but I wouldn't have been happy. All the stress of wondering if I made the right decision is mute. The grass isn't always greener but in this case, this side sure is nice and green.
I spent the majority of 2013 stressed over finances, student loans, moving out of my mother's house, my health and my relationship with my boyfriend. I spent a lot of time in "what-if" land. I don't have time for what-if land. I have to just make things happen. Hindsight is 20/20 for a reason. I can play what-if and never get anywhere or I can acknowledge it, change it, and move on. Ultimately, it's about growing as a person.
I really hope the environment of my old office changes. I really think that more could get done and people would be happier. But for the time being, I'm going to continue to be grateful for being where I am. My boss saw something in me that I didn't know that I had.