Mini Mentorship

Today was the 6th Annual Vaccine Day at JHSPH and every year for the last couple years one of my previous professors has taken her Global Health students to meet some people at Hopkins (like Marie Diener West and various faculty in the nutrition department) as well as sit on the Vaccine Day lecture. I went last year when I was her student and Dr. Bill Foege was the speaker. This year it was Dr. Bruce Alyward. He talked about the global Polio eradication program where he is the World Health Organization Assistant Director of General Polio, Emergencies and Country Collaboration. It was a great talk.

Before the actual program, my former professor took the students on a tour of the Bloomberg building and took them to the outdoor terrace area where they could see the city and I took the time to introduce myself and explain a bit of what I do as well as some of the history of Hopkins and the East Baltimore community.

As we got ready for the event and a good amount afterwards, I helped field questions. They really wanted to know how I got my job and how they could get an internship or apply for Hopkins for grad school. It was great being able to give them advice.

I honestly never thought I would be one of those people but I really felt good trying to give them advice that I didn't have at their age. A good number of them had minors or were double majoring so they were definitely more ambitious than I was. I tried to give them practical advice and not the same regurgitated advice that everyone gives. I really felt like I was personally invested in them and honestly it was the first time I'd ever met them (except one of my summer interns).

I think it really reiterated my goal to eventually teach healthcare at the college level. I just feel such a connection with them. I think a lot of it is also that I was in school not that long ago. I've only been out of college for a little under a year so often times I feel like I haven't really left.

I can't wait to really give back. I sadly haven't been able to get my schedule together to volunteer and stuff like I'd like but hopefully I can help more students. I really hope that they can use my advice and do it 100 times better. Its a great feeling helping others to go down the path to reach their goals. 

I know I'm going to get a bunch of emails once my old professor gives them my contact information. So much happened I haven't really taken it all in yet. All I know is my voice is horse and I'm exhausted. But its a good exhausted. I can't wait to be able to do this full time one day.

Hindsight Really Is 20/20

Today I was given permission by my boss to go to my old job at the USDA in order to get a new badge. I am on extended leave without pay currently. I have two admin. that I love that I helped train before I started working at Hopkins. I didn't always have the answers but I tried to the best of my abilities. There was a lot of just giving them the names and numbers of people that I knew could help better than I could. I enjoyed spending time with them today.

But, it was weird seeing how much the office has changed...and hasn't changed at all. The political, catty, depressing nature was still there. The internal fighting and unnecessary backstabbing was seemingly present as well. That is one of the major reasons I don't miss the government. The stress they fell everyday coming to work was how I felt in my last few months there. I was ready to leave. I was ready to never work for the government again. While there are people there that I love and can honestly call lifelong friends, there were also people that seemed as if their sole purpose was to make work miserable.

There were times when I questioned whether I should have taken my current job, considering the pay is small in comparison to a government job I could've gotten with my degree. But my job is where I feel comfortable. I am surrounded by people that I enjoy their company and they enjoy mine. They respect my opinions and they are eager to offer help/mentorship. I feel like I am growing as a health professional at my job. I also know that it has helped give me the opportunity to do what I've always wanted and thats go to graduate school.

I now see that I made the right decision. I left a place where I potentially could have made more money but I wouldn't have been happy. All the stress of wondering if I made the right decision is mute. The grass isn't always greener but in this case, this side sure is nice and green.

I spent the majority of 2013 stressed over finances, student loans, moving out of my mother's house, my health and my relationship with my boyfriend. I spent a lot of time in "what-if" land. I don't have time for what-if land. I have to just make things happen. Hindsight is 20/20 for a reason. I can play what-if and never get anywhere or I can acknowledge it, change it, and move on. Ultimately, it's about growing as a person.

I really hope the environment of my old office changes. I really think that more could get done and people would be happier. But for the time being, I'm going to continue to be grateful for being where I am. My boss saw something in me that I didn't know that I had.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

I haven't updated my blog much. The main reason was because I'd given up hope of trying to get my PhD. I was stressed and really thought I couldn't do it. I told my mentor "maybe next year". I walked away from my paper and told myself that maybe grad school wasn't for me anyway. THEN, I couldn't walk away. I watched my interns hard at work on their papers and posters and told myself that if they can do it, so can I (especially considering they are 4 and 5 years younger than me). So I got back on the horse and started on my project, but this time at my pace. I also found out that my alma mater UMBC had a GRE prep course but by the time I was all set to take it, the registration had ended and the class was due to start 3 days from then. I emailed the contact and asked if they had a cancelled spot because I REALLY needed to take this class. Turns out one, yes ONE person had dropped out and I could join. Only problem was it was nearly $600 so I ended up paying for it with my credit card. It was sooo worth it though. I had a great instructor and I got some great instructions that I hope will really give me an edge when I take the test in October.

I had to realize that the title of my blog really does explain this process. Its all a journey. I will have ups and downs but I can't give up just because it gets too hard or I get a little too stressed out. Now my paper has switched gears and has slightly changed but is in essence the same concepts. I still have a lot of studying to do and I registered for a one credit online course.

I'm stable. I'm happy. As hard is it is to believe, I feel normal and that feels weird. I told my therapist last week, "so this must be what normal people feel like all the time." I'm excited and scared but extremely determined. I have people surrounding me, telling me that I can do this. I'm not worried about letting them down. I'm worried about half-assing. I WANT to do my very best. If I don't get in, well then at least I know that I did the best I could. It sounds cliche, but honestly it really is a good way to deal with that type of disappointment.

On top of all that, I've given up red meat. I did slip up twice. I ordered pasta from Panera and forgot that it was a meat sauce. Then I went to a party a little over a week later and had jerk and curry chicken. It smelled so good I was already biting into it before I remembered I wasn't supposed to. I mean who wouldn't want authentic jamaican food from an actuall jamaican? I really wasn't going to say no to that. LOL. Then yesterday I had 3 pieces of bacon in my breakfast combo from Silver Diner. I honestly didn't like it as much as I thought I would. I could've stopped at half a piece. It just seemed so salty. Red meat actually tastes weird to me now. So I figured having some one every week or every other week shouldn't be too bad but I'm actually really content without them. I have actually started eating fish more than I ever have and all is well. I'm liking this new lifestyle. I won't call it a diet considering it just a new way of life.

The hardest thing is eating out. I realized that I was quick to get burgers and chicken before. I spent the majority of my income on food. Now, I'm cooking at home, bringing my lunch, and can hardly find fast food meatless options I like so I'm saving money. I feel like I should've done this sooner. We'll see how I feel a couple months from now.

Mini Update

So far it has been a whirlwind couple of weeks.

I finished a epidemiology course where we learned how to use GIS (geospatial) software to map different health issues like Malaria in Honduras or access to health centers in a Mexican county. It was really exciting and I COULD potentially work on a project in October *fingers crossed*.

I am steadily working on my research paper and currently working on my analysis and organizing my tables for my presentation. This is on top of my full time job.

I also found out my Alma Mater has a great GRE prep course and although the registration and class were closed/full I emailed them and left messages. I was told today that there was a cancellation. YAY! So Monday I will start my GRE prep course and hopefully can dramatically improve my GRE score.

I'm still looking for an apartment but nothing yet in my price range that is in a decent neighborhood. It really shouldn't be this hard, but it is.

Other than that, I'm just ready for this entire application process to be over. I still have to write my personal statement and get one of my professors to write a recommendation. I will email two of my professors in August before school starts. They both teach summer courses, so I don't want to put too much on them too early.

I would hate to go through this for Med School. That seems like its even more stressful then just a regular PhD.

Working Through Illness

One thing you have probably noticed is that I'm illness prone. I have a nice little laundry list of illnesses that plague me. Luckily I've learned a few tricks over the past couple of years that have helped to get me through the day as much as possible.

1. Let others know I'm sick.

• This can also work against you, but since I was open from the beginning about the illnesses that I have, I have had no problems my entire work career. Some of my medication can cause drowsiness, others can caused more bathroom breaks, and I am also prone to migraines (which can make staring at a computer screen all day a little hard). So when I let others know I am not feeling well, they tend to give me a little more time with specific projects. If something is time specific they will find someone to split responsibilities with me.

2. Tell my mom.

• My mom is an angry woman LOL. She WILL not put up with my sick excuses so she will either force me to go to work or guilt me into going to work. While this may not work for some people and it has created many a raspberry behind her back from me, it actually forces me to decide if I REALLY am too sick to go into work. She will know when I'm really bad when I literally can't get out of bed (which luckily is less often then in the past).

3. Take mini breaks at specific times.

• I am a night owl by design. So early mornings is my least productive time. So usually I will get to work, check my email, decide what is important, organize my day....then take a break. I spend time checking my personal email (not on the work desktop) and reading the news. I will also look at some work related e-newsletters for fun. After that I get to work and hit my stride, break for lunch and get back to work until I leave. This allows me to stretch my legs and reduces eye strain and feeling overwhelmed. If I'm really feeling sick I may add additional breaks and sit outside a little for some fresh air.

4. Drink lots of water

• I have noticed that when I'm sick I am easily dehydrated which makes me feel worse, so I have a cup in my office just for getting cold water. Its really helpful and its healthy.

5. Telework

• I am lucky enough to be able to work from home occasionally. So if I'm very sick or feel like it would be unsafe to drive the 25 miles to work, I will work from home. I will usually take small naps throughout the day and tend get the majority of my work done at night. I will check my emails and texts for urgent matters. But I will usually sleep in late but work longer into the evening. I don't necessarily like working from home because I don't have an office so its harder to stay focuses and productive, but I've worked it out somehow.

My number 6 is probably the weirdest one which is why I chose not to really make it like the above. But I do like to kid-geared snacks to brighten my mood. This could be Goldfish, Gummy bears, Fruit Roll-ups, Teddy Grams, etc. They are fun to eat and not always the best for my diet, but tend to help me feel better. Improved mood = improved health outcomes (sometimes, lol). I will usually snack on these throughout the day. Its important to create small portions, otherwise you may end up eating a whole bag of Goldfish before you know it!

So hopefully my little list was helpful. Its getting better. But there was a time when I missed, A LOT of work so working through it is important.

Ready....Set.......

Today was one of those days that was originally set to be a GO GO GO day. I had meetings set up, papers and analysis to do, and just general daily job tasks. But, today turned in to a very slow and unproductive day, which means using sick hours. I had a specialist appointment with a GI doctor. He told me I may have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) but wants to schedule a colonoscopy anyway to ensure there is nothing else as well as a blood test before hand. My dad was not so happy to hear that information, my mom is used to my issues and was like "oh well that sucks" and well my boss is just happy that hopefully I'll get some answers soon.

In terms of my paper, I am on the fast track now. I was worried that maybe I wasn't ready but after talking to some people I had to realize I spend WAY too much time in my head (or what I call Negativetown: The Vast Wasteland Abyss). I am trying to stay focused and positive. Lets see how long that lasts.

In POSITIVE news, I do enjoy the new summer interns we have in the office. Its weird being so much older but they get my weird humor. I don't feel so out of place like I did with my original coworker, though I enjoyed them as well. I think I was intimidated because they were so much ahead of me. The environment is just different. But I do miss my old coworkers. Also, on Thursday, I will be looking at houses near campus. They have a Live Near Your Work program where they give out grants to full time employees who buy homes in various areas around the University or Hospital. I'm hoping to take advantage of it before I (potentially) start school. *crosses fingers* But in the meantime I'm looking for an apartment to move into. I need my own space and its just time. If only it weren't so stressful. Someone HELP!

Happy Father's Day

I just wanted to send a very quick Happy Father's Day to my dad. He is one of the people that got me interested in health when I was younger and I love to talk about the latest news or research in the medical field or public health with him. I am also the youngest AND only girl so I AM the offical daddy's girl. So my brother's and I took him to Nandos Peri-Peri for lunch, gave him some gifts and hung out for a little. My brothers got him some UnderArmor gear and I got him a very nice card (if I say so myself) and a CD because he LOVES music. He was really happy and couldn't stop smiling. He has always been a great dad and always a constant in my life despite my parent's separating and then divorcing when I was younger. Only thing hes waiting for now is me to get my PhD and for one of us to give him some grandkids. HA! That's not going to happen ANY time soon.